Questioning my sanity

I figured I needed to update one of these days.  Just have a lot going on and barely anytime to think.  This month has just been one busy moment after another, that I hardly realize what day of the week it is or forget silly things.  I have been questioning a lot of things going on as well... but I will go into that later. 

However, tonight I do want to write about a conversation I had with my oldest.  She is 10 years old and even though shes autistic, I often forget how intelligent she can be.  Here I live in Singles Capital of UT and I don't get out.  But tonight she talked about me finding "one in a lifetime".  When I asked her to explain what that was, here was her response, "you know. Someone that will be stable for you. Someone that will work so you don't have to. Someone who won't yell or hit. Someone who is like you... active.. fun... goofy.. and I miss the gym. I liked going there with you. Reason your single is the others were wrong for you. Wanna know how I know? I just know".  This really got my mind running.  She was 3 years old when her dad and I went separate ways and the only male figure she has had was my dad, my brother, ex's dad, and home teachers.  I started to wonder if her issues would get better if there was a male in her life?  Not just any male, but one that is a positive person, one that shows her love (even though she is not his), the Alpha male.  This is one thing her therapists and I have discussed.  She has this thing with Alpha Males in her life.  I have tried to step up but its not the same thing.  She needs someone that can handle her because let me tell you, she is getting hard to control and the bad thing, almost as tall as I am (I'm 5' 5") and she is solid.

My youngest I don't worry about as much.  She was 6 months when we split.  So the male she had was the same as her sister.  But to her the word "dad" was something her sister said.  Tonight after this conversation she told me to go to the Gym and meet a guy lol.  That cracked me up.  Uhhu, I turned into a Introvert being a single parent.  Those who knew me before I had children, before I was married will describe me as an extrovert.  I wasn't afraid to meet people and have fun. I guess I just changed, grew up in a sense I suppose. 

I love my Saviors Love

I am just now getting around to watch General Women's Conference.  There have been so many things going on since my last update I don't know where to start.  But the one thing that has been a constant in these months, is the Saviors love for me.  The trials have not been easy by any means, but knowing that even though I am a single parent, I am not alone dealing with these emotions.  Yes physically on this earth, I am a full-time single parent.  Yet, I have priesthood in my household through the gospel. 
I have been blessed in this ward with such wonderful Visiting and Home teachers.  They check on me for lessons once a month, and yet call me more just to say HI and see how I am doing.  The love I feel for those in my ward are strong.  Many of them I still have not gotten to know, but feel that love.

One situation in paticular comes to mind.  One of my visiting teachers lives in the same complex as I do.  Her health has been struggling and she has had a few medical issues going on.  Yet one night, during one of Evies meltdowns, she came over to sit with me, and also took Nat back to her apartment just so I could deal with all of the Paramedics and Fire crew.  She offered to keep Nat with her as they transported Evie to the ER that night. 

This all brought me to what my original post was, the Saviors Love.  This wonderful sister, even though she was not feeling well, served me when I needed it the most.  When we are in service to others, we are in service to Him.