This mommy needs a kid free vacation

I am drained!!!  Ok that doesn't even cover it. 

Let me explain the day....

So no sitter... I have one friend who offers but she lives about 50 mins north of here (yes minutes via freeway).  She is the only one offering to help.  NO help from the ward. No other help.  The other person I used, well lets just say she cant handle the girls when they get on each others nerves.  Yes they are fighting again.  They are picking on each other again.  I am EXHAUSTED

I just deleted a whole paragraph because I just needed to vent it out... and I didn't need to hang dirty laundry here.  So I will try again.  I just don't want to be the adult at this moment and want to relax and watch tv.  That would be amazing.

Anyways I'm waiting for work to call me back with an order.  They have been busy today with all the orders and my phone has been going off a lot.  And it always seemed to happen around dinner time.  My luck lol.  oh well.  This job is great since I can be home to work and spend that time with my kids, as well as clean, laundry, house work, and play warden to them.  I just wish it either paid more or offered more hours.  There are days I don't think it is possible to work as much as I am and be the mom the girls need.  I hate being that mom that has to work all the time  I just wish I didn't have to.  However, he told me that I need to pay half of the rent. ugh.

well back to work now.

Tired doesn't even cover it

Today I worked just 4 hours on register.  I have to admit it went pretty ok.  A few customers really complimented me on my smile and how nice I was... IN front of the GM :-)  So I suppose that's good.  All I have to say, is its a good thing I had my EMT boots on lol  my feet yesterday were killing me and today they helped.  I was buddied with a trainer and she said I was picking up pretty fast.  Yepp. Just need to get my timing down.  You have so many seconds in-between customers and during sales.  Yea between my scanner giving me issues and then trying to take off the sensors lol I don't think I did that great.  But I did improve on speed some.  Now I just need to get the bagging part down.. lol the plastic bags hated me today.

The girls are another story.  I seriously do not know what to do with them.  I do question military school.  Natalie keeps arguing and egging Evie on.  Then Evie gets where she fights.  I am seriously exhausted from all this fighting.  You would think after 2 months things between them would have been different but nope.  It is like they were never apart. 

Once again single parenting is for the birds.  I need a live in person to help cook, watch the girls, clean, laundry... so basically I need a wife lol (that is what a friend of mine said).  But also someone who is good at giving neck rubs would be awesome!! (ok and maybe some back massages).

anyways I'll be back later, time to make some calls for work and get some data entry done

Did you miss me?

Well we made it back yesterday.  Let me just say its amazing we all survived the trip back.  I forgot how the girls behaved with each other.  30 minutes into the trip back, I had to pull over and make Evie get in the front seat to separate them.  Then they would argue and yell... yeah.   So I figured they were just tired.  Last night Evie slept in her room and Nat with me.  Well this morning things were just as bad.

I seriously don't know what to do!!!  Both girls have been so used to being away from each other and now that they are back together its just fighting after fighting.  Nat will pick on Evie.  Evie will lose her control and go after Nat.  This is where I am feeling the effects of being 400 miles away from my parents.  In the past, one of the girls would go with my parents or stay the night there and just get a break.  well now we cant do that.

Don't get me wrong, there are days they do great.  One of the moments today, we went to the library and Evie had fun teaching Natalie about the activities and how to use the library computers.  They had fun.  Then as soon as well were ready to leave there... it started up again.  I'm sure that they will outgrow this... but why cant it be NOW?

Let me tell you Single parenting kids like this (especially with a special needs child) is for the pits.  What I need is someone to move in and help with housework, cooking, keeping kids busy, and offering me neck massages lol That sounds like heaven.  But more or less be there to help when the girls start acting up.  When those two go at it, it is a two adult job.

Oh well.

Another update, I did NOT take the full time job.  You might think I am crazy for this but I do have my reasons.  I did however take the parttime job that will work with my other job.  I may not get the same days off, but they will work with each other and I only have to find a sitter for the hours I work at the store.  This also will give me a little extra spending so I can take the class that I do need to transfer my EMT.

Anyways it is about bed time for me.  I need to finish some documenting for work then I am going to fall asleep.  Tomorrow I'm working 10 - 2.  Then 6 - 9 (2nd job).  I can do this

Mommy moment

I did it! I cut my hair!!  6 inches cut from the length... ha I didn't realize it was that long, but apparently you forget when all you do is put it up in a ponytail.  I have to admit I kind of miss the hair, but with this heat and humidity, forget it, this look is cooler (literally).

Well we went to get kiddo's lab results. They are good.  Her lithium level is still on the low side, but they aren't surprised.  That is one thing I hope to get changed when I can. Her panels are great, however she is still anemic.  But they said that is expected with the medication she is on.  Today has been a little rough with her, but she is getting there.  Just will take time to get her past the defiancy and do what she needs to do. 

As for me, I am doing good just really tired today.  Seems like there is so much to get done before my other kiddo comes up.  We managed to clean and rearrange the room, however E ended up throwing down all the clean clothes I washed, so after this I will be going in there and helping her hang things up.  There is still another load in the dryer a well.  Yepp she hasn't worn that many clothes, just threw them on the floor or under the bed.

I am still trying to figure out the work situation.  Do I take the full time job??  Or do I take the other part time job and keep this job with it??  Choices!!!  I need to figure it out and just go with it.  Seriously where was this part time job like 3 weeks ago, or longer?  HA! That would have been great.  But here I am trying to decide.

awww well back to work.... got a call coming in

when it rains, it pours

I have came to the conclusion that I am not ment to have the blessings I believe I am entitled to.  I am so ready to just crawl in bed and sleep till my kiddo's are old enough to stay home and take care of themselves.  Yeah right.

So that job that I start on Monday?  Well here is the kicker, I had received another call from another job offering me a position.  Part time but will work with the current job.  Well I had already received the job that was full time.  I had someone lined up to watch the girls from 11:30 - 5pm.  HOWEVER today I received the news that she will not be able to watch them.  Actually it is a very good excuse, poor lady is pregnant with her 2nd child, and having severe complications.  I told her no worries and gave her my well wishes.  Here it is, Friday - no one to watch my kiddos so I can go work and provide a living.

I'm telling you this single parenting is for the birds.  My ex provides nothing (well duh, he is currently re-incarcerated in the Department of corrections again).  Reason I have full custody.  Yet I am expected to support my girls on my salary but heaven forbid, there might be a program out there provided to help single parents. (yes I checked.)  Now if I was unemployed there are programs, but here I am trying to work and nothing.  Is it me or is the government screwed up?? 

Yes I know women who complain they have to go in the workforce after being a Stay at home parent for a few years. They expect their ex spouses to provide for them to stay home and continue to do all this.  Ummm not this chick.  I have always worked.  I have always pulled my weight (and a lot of times more than) to provide.  Yet there are people out there that are ABLE to work and choose not to.  Give me a break.

Like today, I started to ponder something as I took my normal route to run errands.  There is this couple that stands on the corner every day... 8- 12 hrs a day.  Asking for handouts, saying they are homeless.  OK during this time they can get work, they can work a job.   Yet they want to receive the easy way out. Dumb.  This may sound heartless, but up here there are amazing programs that are set up to help the homeless get off the streets, earn job skills and help them find means to sustain themselves.  Yet there are people that want the easy money, not work for it, and probably using that money for something illegal. 

Yes back home there was a lot of homelessness always begging.  The problem with that, is many were already drunk, drugged... ect.  Where I lived was in a rural area and unfortunately there was a lot of alcoholism among the crowd. Here is the same.  But back home when people asked for money, they usually settled for food if you offered it.  Here, I saw someone offer a guy food, and the guy had a fit and said no he would rather the money and get his own food. 

anyways I am venturing off on another subject.  I guess today has just been one of those days.

1 step forward, 9 steps back... story of my life

Sheesh

Ok this one coworker will not take a clue!!  He keeps asking to "hang out" in other ways.  I finally told him I was flattered but not interested.  So he replies (i kid you not) "When you are ready sugar. Remember I am the perfect speciman of male and will treat you especially well if you get the reason."

I keep thinking of the show Beauty and the Beast, and Gaston comes to mind. This guy is so full of himself it is unreal.  Sad thing is it works for him.  I guess he had a relationship with another coworker and it was within 2 days of her being hired that they slept with each other.  And yes he told the boss about it. Dumb.  This lady has since quit the job but they just hired another female and im questioning how that will go.  My boss's wife said she warned her that being a female the guys will hit on her.  Apparently shes a tough cookie, Hope so.

Also I know what has been going on with me lately.  Seems like something has not been right.  Well today I started to get a small backache right over my right kidney, Not cool.  So drinking a lot of water right now and going to see the DR tomorrow if it doesn't get better.  Anyone who knows me, knows I dont handle being sick.  Hopefully it's nothing and just goes away :-)

One of the things I did want to talk about is about the single parenting of a special needs child.  It is exhausting.  Sure I have always placed myself of the back burner to put both of my childrens needs before mine. But with a special needs child, it is worse.  With my other daughter, she knows when mommy needs some time to rest or needs to sit down.  With Evie, she does not understand this.  I am constantly doing something with her, or watching her.  Just keeping an eye on her.  It is always just go go go.  Right now, even though I am sitting down at work waiting for another order to come in, I am still working with her.  I still get up and help her with her room, deal with her over my shoulder, she keeps me busy with helping her read, or working on things. And after this weekend, it will be me and 2 kids again.  But I do have the help of a friend with that.  Both girls love him to pieces and Im sure they will wear him out!

Real quick

My other kiddo will be up here this weekend!!!!  I am super excited about this. 

I have to say the part about this move that has been the hardest for me is leaving her with my parents.  They didn't mind and trust me she gets spoiled rotten.  But she was able to finish the 3 weeks of school there and go fishing, riding a tractor, panning for gold, water balloon fights, eating out with my parents, swimming, playing with her cousins cat, bugging her cousin, and just having fun.

It also gave me a chance to get Evie established up here and ready for all her medical stuff.  So far she is doing better.  Yesterday she had a bit of an sensory meltdown, but luckily I was able to head it off somewhat.  She was a bit emotional and a lot of the other children at the splash pad was not sure what to make of her.  But I don't care. 

Today shes doing great. I do believe she has rediscovered her love of yoga (ok I hope she has).  We'll see.  I know that it will help her whens he feels overwhelmed.  Just need to get it better in control.

Also my thoughts about today, Do I cut my hair?  Seriously I have not had it this long in a LONG time.  Yes it is long enough to pull back in a rubber band, but in this heat its driving me NUTS.  Hmmm we'll see.

Also I know a few of my friends that have been reading this is worried about me.  Trust me when I say things are going good.  Writing has always been a great way of releasing everything from me.  Plus you must endure the trials to find the blessings.  Also I have figured out what I want to do.  I was looking at the full paramedic program here and it will be a bit more attainable for me.  So I am looking at the goals I need to accomplish to make that happen.  Yes I want to do my EMT thing again.  I guess im crazy when I say I LOVED it.  It was hard, but knowing that I was there to help others no matter the situation is what I miss.  So yes I will be working behind a desk for awhile at this job, however they also have a tuition program that will help with school.  So yes this girl is going to get back on TRACK!!!!

Anyways I best get going, Evie's yoga class is almost done and we have to run some errands before I do work tonight.  She ran out of bubble bath (yes in our house that is severe) but she managed a bath last night without it.  HOWEVER I do need to remedy the situation and get some today.

adios