Monday, July 18, 2016

I think im alive

Well even though I was excused from work today, I still went in.  I kept my water bottle with me at all times today and drank a lot!!  I think that helped. I still feel really worn out though, but it will take awhile to get back up to where I need to be. 

I also had a nice long talk with my mom on the phone tonight.  She was seeing a bit of what I was telling her about whats going on.  She agreed with me.  So I don't feel bad.. but problem is, I don't feel.  I don't know what is going on but yeah I was upset but that was it.  It didn't last long and I'm still feeling ok.  I feel mad at him but that is it.  You would think I would feel broken hearted or something... but I don't.

One thing maybe, I'm mama bear.. I am protective over my girls.  The fact that I had promises "I'll help you..." went to "my mom said I cant watch them on Sunday night..".  First of all HOW old are you?  Ugh. Then the fact he through "i did this for you.... I over drawn my account... "  umm I never asked for that.  He kept changing the facts on me, and that's when I started to realize how similar it was from the time before. I went through that with my ex husband.  I remember he threw stuff like that back at me... wouldn't listen to what was going on. 

What I am looking for is someone I don't have to support.  If I want to be a mom and stay home I should have that right!  I cook.  I clean.  I do dishes... if I want to work then it should be fine as part time.  I supported my ex with working myself into the ground.  I will not do that again. 

Yeah I'm a bit mad... but then again I'm still not feeling 100% better so that's my excuse

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