Well I would like to say things have been going great, but they haven't been the best. Things are still going on with Evie and her medical stuff that I don't know which direction I am heading currently. With all the times I have had to call Emergency as well as the Crisis teams, just not sure what to do anymore.
With everything going on, I have been questioning a lot about why I am up here away from my family and what good is it here? Yes I know that kind of thinking is from the advisory and lately he has been working on me 100%. I am tired of the stress and all the issues that are going on. So yes with all these stresses, as you can imagine how my personal self is... yea. Not doing to well. I need to get in to see Paul this week, but when? I have meetings like crazy with all of Evies therapists and Natalies, working two jobs... Where do I take care of myself? When do I have time? But such is life of a single parent.
Please do not get me wrong, I regret none of it. I do remind myself of the bigger picture reminding me why I had moved up here in the first place. But I could do without the stress and the worries. My ulcer hasn't acted up in awhile, well this past weekend, it started acting up. I am just exhausted. Yes I allowed myself to get ran down, which I had tried to stop, but its kind of hard.
Natalies birthday is this week. I feel bad because I have to work, and she has let me know that she is upset about it. I feel awful. but what can I do.
The good part is we found out the Social Security was approved. The bad part, I had applied for the Disability and she was approved for supplemental. So not sure what that means. I just need to find a time to get downtown to the main office and find out what is going on.
Well that's about it for me. Im at the library and letting the girls play around some. I figured I would jam to some music and update a few things...
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Men suck.... ok not all of them do
Well with my oldest's medical situation I have had to place my love life on hold. Ok, not much left of it but the little I DID have. He was understanding about the situation, however within 3 days he started dating and its serious I. Not once did he tell me any of this.
Yes I am the one that called it off but however I still feel betrayed about the situation. But alas, I learned my lesson. Think i would have learned it everytime this has happened but nope.
Yes I am the one that called it off but however I still feel betrayed about the situation. But alas, I learned my lesson. Think i would have learned it everytime this has happened but nope.
Monday, October 3, 2016
exhausted
If one would look at my arms, they would be questioning "What the hell happened?" Well they are covered in bruises from my wrist to my upper arm. It was meltdown city this past weekend with the kiddo :-(
Yes i am ok. Yes we made it through, but we also had to take a midnight trip the the ER last night because her stomach was really bad. They were able to get her calmed down so they did NOT admit her to the hospital. They were able to get her better medicines to help with her stomach.
But yet i question if I can really do this as a single parent?
I refuse to settle just to have that co-parent thing, but i am also wishing i had that blessing of help.
I had to call a friend to watch my youngest so i could follow the ambulance up to the hospital. I hate that!! I hate asking for help!! Yet i know, that is the only way i can make it work here. I just wish i had other help thats all.
Anyways I better get going. Just came to the library to finishing some paperwork for a job. I better get home so i can get Evie her meds again then head to do more paper work
Yes i am ok. Yes we made it through, but we also had to take a midnight trip the the ER last night because her stomach was really bad. They were able to get her calmed down so they did NOT admit her to the hospital. They were able to get her better medicines to help with her stomach.
But yet i question if I can really do this as a single parent?
I refuse to settle just to have that co-parent thing, but i am also wishing i had that blessing of help.
I had to call a friend to watch my youngest so i could follow the ambulance up to the hospital. I hate that!! I hate asking for help!! Yet i know, that is the only way i can make it work here. I just wish i had other help thats all.
Anyways I better get going. Just came to the library to finishing some paperwork for a job. I better get home so i can get Evie her meds again then head to do more paper work
Thursday, September 29, 2016
miss grumpy pants returns
What more can I say about today and the day just started? I don't understand how places could garnish hard working people for bills that are NOT theirs? Seriously, I had thought all of the ex's bills were paid off before I left NM, but nope. Its dumb!! we have been divorced for quite sometime and I am still paying off (not by choice) his crap!! I only work part time $9.00 an hour (not a lot) supporting 2 children out of my own pocket, and he sits on his @#$#@$ in prison with NO BILLS!! Grrrrrrrrrrrr
My bills:
Gas/Heating
Power
Car
Babysitting
Rent
Kids needs
His:
NOTHING
Yes I am complaining. Yes I am angry. Where are my blessings? I should have realized that with my luck, something like this would happen. Things have been looking up for kiddo and something like this sets me back. I need a blessing
My bills:
Gas/Heating
Power
Car
Babysitting
Rent
Kids needs
His:
NOTHING
Yes I am complaining. Yes I am angry. Where are my blessings? I should have realized that with my luck, something like this would happen. Things have been looking up for kiddo and something like this sets me back. I need a blessing
Monday, September 26, 2016
Just another Monday
I have came to the conclusion that I am not ment to have a great Monday. Ha.. between register at work freezing up, then having to restart the credit machine every 3 transactions. It was great. (Please note that I am trying to type in sarcasm).
I love working with the people and learning but this is NOT what I want to do. Yes there are some that dont mind sliding by but I am not one of them. I Do miss doing the EMT stuff and really want to get back into it.
Well Im at the library and about to fall asleep. Tomorrow I am off, thank goodness. However, between a job interview, and 3 appointments I may not get much done.
I love working with the people and learning but this is NOT what I want to do. Yes there are some that dont mind sliding by but I am not one of them. I Do miss doing the EMT stuff and really want to get back into it.
Well Im at the library and about to fall asleep. Tomorrow I am off, thank goodness. However, between a job interview, and 3 appointments I may not get much done.
Friday, September 23, 2016
So much to say
We got the results from my oldests blood work for Metabolic/DNA test. She has a mutation in one of her strands. So we were referred for genetic counseling. I do hope this hurries through I am tired of all the waiting. (Yes patience has never been a strong suit for me). Till then, a lot has been on hold.
I look back and see what all has been going on. I am working at an OK job, but ideally, its not what I want to do. I love the EMS stuff. I believe its a calling for me. Yet here I am working retail because it works with my oldests medical appointments. Drives me nuts. But yes I sacrifice for my children and that I do not regret. I don't have a social life, I don't get out for adult time (other then work and 2 hrs for church). That is it. I do miss a lot of things but there is not much what I can do about that.
Today while running errands with my youngest, she told me I need to get married again. I told her I don't even have time to date. She told me I had enough Male friends that I just need to marry one of them and get it over with :-) if it was only that easy. But I know it would be nice to have someone to share my life with. Someone that could handle my girls, as well as myself. My oldest is a handful and not many can handle that (as proven in the past). It caused a hurt ego but it showed me their true colors. I don't need that in my life. What I need is someone who respects their priesthood and understand that I am a full package. With me, comes an instant family. I am a full time mother. I have my girls 365 days a year. This is difficult for some to understand as I found out, but hey, don't need that in my life.
Well I should get back to my research. I am trying to learn more about what is going on with my oldest. I don't have long here at the library
I look back and see what all has been going on. I am working at an OK job, but ideally, its not what I want to do. I love the EMS stuff. I believe its a calling for me. Yet here I am working retail because it works with my oldests medical appointments. Drives me nuts. But yes I sacrifice for my children and that I do not regret. I don't have a social life, I don't get out for adult time (other then work and 2 hrs for church). That is it. I do miss a lot of things but there is not much what I can do about that.
Today while running errands with my youngest, she told me I need to get married again. I told her I don't even have time to date. She told me I had enough Male friends that I just need to marry one of them and get it over with :-) if it was only that easy. But I know it would be nice to have someone to share my life with. Someone that could handle my girls, as well as myself. My oldest is a handful and not many can handle that (as proven in the past). It caused a hurt ego but it showed me their true colors. I don't need that in my life. What I need is someone who respects their priesthood and understand that I am a full package. With me, comes an instant family. I am a full time mother. I have my girls 365 days a year. This is difficult for some to understand as I found out, but hey, don't need that in my life.
Well I should get back to my research. I am trying to learn more about what is going on with my oldest. I don't have long here at the library
Monday, August 22, 2016
Yes I am alive
Things have been just crazy isn our household. I haven't had a chance to get online much to do any updates like i want. Any online time has been researching genetic research.
Well the update goes as follows,
we are moved into the new apartment. work has been good... E behavior not what I had wanted. Lets just say it was a very severe meltdown. Last monday night the girls went swimming as promised. Well I had just gotten off work and told them they could swim for 30 minutes but then it would be time to come in. Well I gave them the countdown when it got closer, but E was getting more aggressive and agitated. So long story short, she had a HUGE meltdown and i ended up calling Emergency to have her transported. They wanted to admit her but stubborn me wouldn't have it (and yes i regret that). Then that Friday, she ran off from her sister and I... so called emergency again. Luckily they found her. Well I took her back to the hospital and this time they weren't concerned with admitting her nor about our safety.
Then the big one... Saturday. She ended up having a huge issue so when she calmed down enough, i took her up to Children's Primary and they evaluated her. They ended up agreeing with me about admitting her to the University Neuropsychiatric Institute (UNI) here in SLC. I hated having to do that. I am her mom and I am supposed to be able to fix the issues and make things better, not send her off. Yes i feel guilty but I know it was for the best.
She has since been discharged and now doing a Day Treatment program. But things are not perfect. They kept her on her Prozac and changed the other two medicines. They threw out the original diagnosis (kept the ODD oppisitional Defiance disorder) but they are trying to figure out what is going on. She shows some characteristics of a child on the spectrum (high functioning), but also shows characteristics of a child with a chromosomal abnormality. They want to do some genetic testing. So now we play the waiting game on that since it will take awhile to get that test, then hope insurance will pay for it.
Well i figured i would let you all know I am alive. Just alot going on.....
Well the update goes as follows,
we are moved into the new apartment. work has been good... E behavior not what I had wanted. Lets just say it was a very severe meltdown. Last monday night the girls went swimming as promised. Well I had just gotten off work and told them they could swim for 30 minutes but then it would be time to come in. Well I gave them the countdown when it got closer, but E was getting more aggressive and agitated. So long story short, she had a HUGE meltdown and i ended up calling Emergency to have her transported. They wanted to admit her but stubborn me wouldn't have it (and yes i regret that). Then that Friday, she ran off from her sister and I... so called emergency again. Luckily they found her. Well I took her back to the hospital and this time they weren't concerned with admitting her nor about our safety.
Then the big one... Saturday. She ended up having a huge issue so when she calmed down enough, i took her up to Children's Primary and they evaluated her. They ended up agreeing with me about admitting her to the University Neuropsychiatric Institute (UNI) here in SLC. I hated having to do that. I am her mom and I am supposed to be able to fix the issues and make things better, not send her off. Yes i feel guilty but I know it was for the best.
She has since been discharged and now doing a Day Treatment program. But things are not perfect. They kept her on her Prozac and changed the other two medicines. They threw out the original diagnosis (kept the ODD oppisitional Defiance disorder) but they are trying to figure out what is going on. She shows some characteristics of a child on the spectrum (high functioning), but also shows characteristics of a child with a chromosomal abnormality. They want to do some genetic testing. So now we play the waiting game on that since it will take awhile to get that test, then hope insurance will pay for it.
Well i figured i would let you all know I am alive. Just alot going on.....
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