Ok so the new ward I moved into (as you have already read about) it hasn't been to great. Well last night my kiddo needed a blessing after her meltdown. I called around and nothing. So I called one of my dear guy friends (he lives in another part of SLC) and explained the situation to him. He came over and talked to her about her actions and things that were going on. I do question if he understands her issues are more mental then anything else. But either way she settled down and l hugged him.
So here is the situation.... both of my girls love him. Natalie just adores him like you wouldn't believe it. She hasn't had a father figure in her life pretty much since she was 6 months old. So the "dad" thing is new to her. Don't get me wrong, she has had male influences in her life but that has been my younger brother, my dad, my ex husbands dad and some male teachers. That's it.
My worries is they will get hurt. And I don't mean by him. I trust him... but I also know how I am with relationships right now. I have a tendency to push people away, not wanting to deal with it. I don't want to push him away where he is no longer in their lives, but at the same time I want to figure out things. I know his feelings for me are strong. But after having years of building up walls and not allowing any of those feelings or emotions in, it scares me.
I do find faults and even though I have not expressed those to him (yes I know I shouldn't) but there are things that just eat at me. I vowed that when I was ready for a relationship that they would not be anything like my ex, strong in the gospel, great example, be able to take me to the temple.... nothing physical. I don't know. I guess I am scared to open my mind and heart after all these years.
but on the bright side... it has been raining here and the temp hasn't been to bad. Yeah the kiddo has been going stir crazy being stuck in the house, but hey we are finding ways of keeping her happy. Actually we did check out some movies from the library so she has been indulging herself with that. Lately she has been watching a lot of Mythbusters. I figured its not SpongeBob cartoons.
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